Listen up. This is your target Facebook audience speaking and I want to be heard. You’d be wise to pay attention if you truly want to connect, and start getting my Facebook Likes.

I don’t like you, and here’s why:

You don’t listen to me.

Do you know the type of things I like? What my hobbies are? How much I’m online? What I value most?

What’s in it for me?

You keep on asking me to Like you, but why should I? Will I get updates on your latest products? Exclusive discounts? Industry information that will benefit me? If not, don’t bother.

You’re too long-winded.

I fell asleep the last time I read your Facebook post. I got through 25% of it and I was already experiencing REM. Keep it short and sweet.

You’re never there for me.

I looked at your page and you only had three posts for all of last month and there hasn’t been anything since. Crickets. Do you even care about me?

You’re cluttering my feed.

When I asked you to post consistently, I didn’t mean every thirty-minutes! I don’t care to know every thought that passes through your office. Just give me the highlights, and scale down the posting.

You’re so…boring.

Your posts are just text—no images, no video, nothing to catch the eye. Ever thought of asking a question? Requesting feedback? You don’t make me want to engage.

Your timing is all wrong.

If you really care about me, you’d know my habits—when I’m online and when I like to interact. If you knew that, you’d stop posting at all the wrong times.

You’re hiding something.

If you want to connect with me, show me the real you—be yourself, have a personality.

I didn’t even know you existed.

You thought I’d find you magically? I don’t tend to put myself out there, so you’re going to need to put in a little effort. Maybe a nice like-building campaign, contest, or even a promoted post to show that you are interested in connecting would catch my eye.

I want to want to be your friend. Just try making it a little easier for me, OK?